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Literature Text
I thought I could write
a few honest things,
and I would be loved
by those well-versed in words.
I want to sp i l l out my heart,
because I am so filled
with things I forget.
I crave to paint my words like you.
You are impressionists,
with vivid canvases
and perfectly
blurred forms.
a few honest things,
and I would be loved
by those well-versed in words.
I want to sp i l l out my heart,
because I am so filled
with things I forget.
I crave to paint my words like you.
You are impressionists,
with vivid canvases
and perfectly
blurred forms.
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writing about how frustrated I am that I'm bad at writing poetry.
I still feel really rusty. I feel like this year, I've improved a lot on the art front, but I haven't really moved forward at all writing.
Edit: So I tried submitting this without visually editing it, but it bothered me. Also apparently HTML texts are no longer allowed in the visual poetry section? That's confusing.
Also, it sort of feels incomplete. Like maybe it needs another stanza or something? Feedback please?
I still feel really rusty. I feel like this year, I've improved a lot on the art front, but I haven't really moved forward at all writing.
Edit: So I tried submitting this without visually editing it, but it bothered me. Also apparently HTML texts are no longer allowed in the visual poetry section? That's confusing.
Also, it sort of feels incomplete. Like maybe it needs another stanza or something? Feedback please?
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Comments2
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I know what you mean. Sometimes, one pursuit overtakes another and we feel guilty for not improving in every direction.
But I think writers need periods where they do very little writing: it's an opportunity to get fresh perspectives and learn more about the world. Even though you feel that this poem isn't particularly polished, I have to say that there are many elements I like about it - the pacing and rhythm are good. I also like the punctuation.
I think you could the feeling of the poem being 'unfinished' pretty easily. As I said, the rhythm is really good, but there's a slight disruption when the reader reaches the final stanza:
'You are impressionists,
with vivid canvases
and perfectly blurred forms.'
Try putting the last two words on their own line and the rhythm should adjust accordingly:
'You are impressionists,
with vivid canvases
and perfectly
blurred forms.'
Nice work.
Keep going!
But I think writers need periods where they do very little writing: it's an opportunity to get fresh perspectives and learn more about the world. Even though you feel that this poem isn't particularly polished, I have to say that there are many elements I like about it - the pacing and rhythm are good. I also like the punctuation.
I think you could the feeling of the poem being 'unfinished' pretty easily. As I said, the rhythm is really good, but there's a slight disruption when the reader reaches the final stanza:
'You are impressionists,
with vivid canvases
and perfectly blurred forms.'
Try putting the last two words on their own line and the rhythm should adjust accordingly:
'You are impressionists,
with vivid canvases
and perfectly
blurred forms.'
Nice work.
Keep going!